Boundaries & Energy: Saying No Without Nuking Bridges
TL;DR Your empathy is a gift - and finite. Cap heavy conversations, take sanctioned rest (medical professional support if needed), use considered scripts that protect relationships and your health.
You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.
The moment everything tilts
There was a day my tongue felt sore from all the talking - everyone needed something. I gave what I could, but the bill arrived the next morning: a headache, a fog, a simmering frustration with myself.
What’s at stake (for me)
I’m proud of being available. Redundancy tested that pride. The question shifted from “Can I help?” to “How can I help without emptying the tank?”
The moment of decision
I chose to treat boundaries as professional tools. I capped ‘heavy conversations,’ wrote pause scripts, and asked my GP for support when capacity was depleted. It was not an admission of defeat; it was an act of leadership.
What I did (the playbook)
Conversation caps
Decide the number you can carry today (e.g., three). After that, everything moves to tomorrow.
Kind pause scripts
“Thanks for checking in - taking a small pause today and will reply when I’m able.” Save it as a text expander.
Authorised rest
If your body is sounding alarms, see your GP. The external permission (via a medical certificate) from my GP turned guilt into space to recover.
Evening cut‑offs
No applications after a certain hour. Tired me makes errors future‑me has to clean up.
Recovery rituals
Walks, simple food, heat pack, early shower - quiet choices that pay back tomorrow.
What surprised me
• People responded well to honesty. Most were relieved to be told what to expect.
• Rest helped conversations the next day land better - for both of us.
• A single cut‑off time improved quality more than any productivity trick.
Leader’s Lens: If you manage people through change
• Model pause scripts. If leaders can rest, others feel safe to do it too.
• Offer alternatives: “I can’t do today, but here’s when I can.”
• Call out over‑functioning in kind, specific ways and offer cover so people can step back.
Diary excerpt (lightly edited, anonymised)
”Today I’m sad. My team is usually such a driven and purposeful, ever-moving force.”
Thought of the Day
When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top.Stage of Grief
Reconstruction & Working Through
Try this (this week)
• Write one boundary line you can copy/paste today.
• Set a realistic nightly cut‑off time for applications.
• Book a GP consultation if your body has been sounding alarms.
Checklist
□ Conversation caps (number for today).
□ Pause script saved and ready.
□ Evening cut‑off in calendar.
□ Recovery ritual chosen (15–20 mins).
□ GP support if capacity is depleted.
If your organisation is navigating change and you want calm, people‑first delivery without the drama, I can help.
This is based on my personal experience, anonymised to protect privacy. Nothing here is financial, legal, or medical advice - please seek professional guidance for your own situation.